Love...but on another blog...

For this post your going to have to head over to my gaming blog: Antics in Azeroth

AS it is the Valentines celebrations in World of Warcraft at the moment and I wrote Ebony love notes in game, I posted about it there instead of here. Don't let that stop you though, go have a look!

Can you be a Christian without doing X, Y and Z?

At the time of writing this I haven't found my new avatar to represent that I am still possibly looking for my heart but am a warrior nonetheless. I'm hoping to find both the avatar and the possibly missing heart soon.

Ok, I know Ebene's view on me not being a Catholic. I'm going to share my views on religious denominations. To be frank I think they are rubbish. Pretty sure it says all through the Bible that the church is suppose to be unified, but we aren't. Most don't even have faith, let alone unity. On faith, I have often heard it said that if the average Christian had the faith of an average Muslim there would be miracles all over the place. They would have to rename miracles because they wouldn't be that miraculous any more. But that's another issue.

When I lived in England, I had some close Christian and some close non Christian friends. When I got there, I started attending the church that the youth group from the uni campus I stayed at went to, and you know what? It was stale as anything. I used to attend a big Pentecostal church before I left for the UK, and despite its failings, because all churches have failings, the holy spirit was there. I have sensed angels from time to time, and I have seen demons from time to time, there's a difference, so I knew the holy spirit was in that church because there were angels. The two go hand in hand, if there's no holy spirit, there's no angels. And this church I went to in the UK, seemed to me at least, to be spiritually dead. You could almost feel the cobwebs. I remember one of the speakers spoke about the significance of the design of the Lord's temple as it was laid out in the old testimate, and each time he made a point he would pause and smile as if he was having a divine revelation every few seconds. I remember thinking "dude, you look like your about to prophecy, but I don't feel what your saying." I learned after that experience that my close Christian friends did not attend a church while they where at uni because that's what many of the churches are like there. They were very much against orgainised religion for that very reason.

The other interesting thing to note is that while I was in the UK, God didn't challenge me through my Christian friends, he challenged me through my non Christian friends. They were my real close friends. I remember sitting down at a friends house, after having been there for about a week already, and having dinner served. I thought to myself "These people are not Christians, but they have welcomed me into their house, they have sheltered me and fed me for days, and they haven't asked for anything except my company. They aren't Christians, but these are the most generous people I have ever met." And look at me, I'm the religious one and here's these pagans showing me how to live like Christ. It's an experience I treasure and it challenges me to be more Christ like.

It's sad because I believe many of the people from the Pentecostal church I used to attend took a dim view to the fact that I wasn't attending organised church services while away and so I left that church as an outcast pretty much. But how do you tell people that you don't have to go to church to hear Christ? Many really, deep down, do not believe that.

I left another non denominational church when I read one of the church emails, and someone had said that a school that was trying to style itself like Hogwarts to get kids interested in school should be burnt to the ground, and the particular writer would like to throw the first match. I replied and said that's crazy, Christians least of all should not be talking about burning schools down! We see things we don't agree with every day, but attacking them is not the way to change them. I was told by the Pastor that as an infrequent attender of the church (I was split between going to this particular church and the Pentecostal one above at this time) I had no right to question someone who was a regular attender. Is it just me, or did attendance just become more important than the word of God in someones eyes? I didn't go back to that church.

So for the above reasons, I'm quite against organised religion. I really think the message has been lost along the way. But I am a baptized Pentecostal because that's where I was introduced to Christianity and that is where I have heard the message, not had it read to me, had preachers speak it through the power of the holy spirit.

At this point in my life I am not sure I want to become a Catholic though. For a few reasons. Catholics don't widely recognise gifts of the spirit. Unless your a cannonised Saint, Catholics won't believe you if you told them, for instance, you can see the unseen. I'm not tooting my own horn, what I have seen is solely through the power of God, not my own, and I may never see anything miraculous like that ever again. I think that God used it to prompt me to take Christianity seriously, to raise my faith out of the rut it was in, and now I'm past that God doesn't need physically manifest things to me to make me believe. If anything it is a failing on my part, I really had to see to believe. And now I have seen that might be all the gift was for and it might never happen again. But it did happen. I don't though your average Catholic wouldn't believe me if I told them that story. We aren't in biblical times and God doesn't talk to us the same way anymore and all that. Well I don't agree with that.

Secondly I find many Catholic beliefs and traditions to be very exclusionary. A brilliant example is this. At the church where I was baptized, if you went to the early Sunday service, you had communion. There was no restriction on it, if you where there you could have communion. I almost become a catholic for Ebene while in the UK. The churches off campus seemed to be devoid of spiritual life, so I thought lets try the chapel on campus. I was hesitant though, for the below reason.

Right at the beginning when I arrived at the uni, I had a terrible nightmare, a recurring nightmare that I had had since I was small that I believe is spiritual in nature. Whatever my deepest fear is at that point in my life that thing is in my dream and it tries to kill me or at least scare me. I'm pretty certain that's a spiritual attack. I woke up from one such dream and I could feel a presence in the room and I was scared. I looked at the time and realised there was a service just ending right now in the chapel, the one I had been planning to go to but had fallen asleep due to jetlag. I thought I would catch the priest and speak with him or her and pray with them. So I went to the chapel. I did find someone, an older woman who had just lead the service that finished and I asked to speak with her. I explained to her what had happened and she started shaking her head and said "Look, you have just got here, your disorientated, and your clearly mistaken. A few days and you will settle in." I was shocked. She didn't believe me. She didn't even give me the benefit of the doubt, she point blank refused to believe me. Whatever happened to faith?

So I wasn't sure about going to the chapel, but I did because I wanted to find out about becoming a Catholic, despite what had happened previously. I met with the Catholic priest, a man this time, and he told be a bit about what I would have to do to become a Catholic, and invited me to the next Catholic service. I went and they held communion. My heart jumped because this was something familiar to me, something I already knew about. So I went up and took the wafer and almost drunk the wine and the hushed conversation went like this:

"Stop," The priest hissed, "you can't drink the wine."
"Why?" I whispered.
"Because your not Catholic."
"I'm looking to become Catholic." I said, not sure if the priest had forgotten me.
"Yes but you aren't one. Have you taken the wafer already?"
"Yes."
"Oh..well that can't be helped, go sit down."

And I was excluded from communion.

Afterwords the priest spoke to me, laughed and said he was sorry for that little misunderstanding. I couldn't get over the fact that I wouldn't have been excluded at a Pentecostal service, what made me unworthy to take communion now? Tradition? Should tradition stop someone drawing closer to God? The priest then went through the confirmation of faith. I balked at "We believe in one Catholic and apostolic church." I asked the priest what that meant. He said it meant that Catholicism is the only proper or real worship of Christ. I asked him that as a Pentecostal and not a Catholic that means I'm not a follow of God? He said yes, that's correct. I thanked him for his time and left. How can someone say that you aren't a follower of God if your not a this or that? If you don't attend a church you have gone off the rails, if you don't show up every Sunday you don't have a right to speak up?

During Obama's inauguration speech he prayed, and Ebene said "That's such a Catholic prayer." Now I have said that same prayer at different services, not simply Catholic and said "That's a very Christian prayer." To swing a censer around and have incense, that's Catholic. But praying is praying, I believe God hears my prayers no matter what denomination I am.

I attend Catholic services though with Ebene. We go to a cathedral near our place and it has been good for my Christian walk, God has been able to show me different aspects of Christianity, and for that I'm grateful. But I do not think I can deny that other denominations are Gods followers. I do not think I can turn my back on spirituality and replace spirituality with tradition. I don't think I can exclude people for the sake of tradition. Jesus found some of the biggest sinners he could and he sat them down at a table and broke bread and gave them wine. He didn't initiate them and then say "Right, you couldn't touch the food before but now you can." He accepted them as they are and gave it to them.

So this is where I stand currently. I am not a Catholic. I might be a disagreeable person who has no idea about the message of God and causes trouble no matter what church he's in, and then moves on through some self righteous sense of he knows better. I might be. I've certainly been told that, not by pagans or non-believers or anything like that, by fellow Christians. I have had Christians say to me "If we weren't Christian we would have told you to leave a long time ago Ivorie". Maybe there is something there, but God forgives all sins and I am right with him, even if I'm not right with a lot of other Christians. But right now I don't want to become a Catholic. I might in the future, I'm not ruling that out at all, but right now, I'm just a follower of God.

The throes of domesticity

We have now settled into the New Year and it would seem a little bit more comfortable in our domestic life. We have entertained a couple of friends with great success and because it's summer we shall be utilising the balcony for more of these little get togethers. After a while though I couldn't help but feel that the relationship had become too comfortable (even though it's been only two years).

To remedy this the Summer of Romance ( and Adventure) is still in effect, Ivoire showered me with gifts for everyday of the weekend a couple of weekends ago which was very sweet and we finally hit the beach to water test the birthday pressie (the bodyboard) with much fun and questionable success.

As part of our growth as a couple and Christians we have also embarked on finding our hearts by reading a 2 in 1 book by husband and wife team John and Stasi Eldredge (the highly recommended Wild at Heart for men and Captivating for women).

We will start documenting our journey, it's funny I always thought that culture would be a hurdle to tackle but I think at the moment religion is going to be a very challenging hurdle. I am Catholic and Ivoire is Pentecostal and we attend Catholic mass but he won't become one, I don't want to push him even though I would like our children to be raised Catholics, and I am hoping this book will help in bringing this topic in the open and resolve it. As I do not know how to bring it up at the moment having done so before without success.

Christmas and Boxing Day Festivities

Operation:- Romancing Ivoire: Phase one complete and a success

1st Christmas in the new place, quiet, like I would like it to be, we have taken to exploring the neighbourhood and taking many walks...it is a very quiet and despite the fact that the city is 5kms away very overgrown....I like this as I have always been somewhat of a nature girl. Anyway for dinner I made Asparagus jasmine rice with Lemon and herb chicken kebabs, much to the delight of my wonderful boyfriend, served of course on a candlelit table. The funny thing about it was that everything had to be done in secrecy, the scented red candles and vases were bought on days he was at work. In fact so were the ingredients for dinner and to top it off I got a pair of singing reindeer antlers...he's a suck for the antlers on me of course, has been since the day I wore them (2nd day we met- then I thought he was making fun of me, but he actually thinks I'm cute wearing them). Dinner was completed with a cheese platter and a cuddle on the comfy couch.

And so phase one to bring a lil romance into our life was a candlelit dinner and I am hoping this has given Ivoire some incentive and ideas as to how to top me;)

I am so excited because today's Boxing day and I just love the Boxing day sales though I must say the ones here aren't as good as the London ones. This year however it's not so much the sales themselves than what we are getting, we (meaning I) have given in and are getting a TV, albeit an el cheapo one...I can watch the cricket, I can watch the cricket...if only Ivoire would hurry up and get out of the shower so that we could go. BTW on New Year's day we will celebrate our 2nd year anniversary.....wow. I have to think of something to do for that day...

snap, I hear Ivoire looking for clothes, finally we can go get a tv!!! yay for us !!!
Hope everyone had a great Christmas.

Got the tv, after much drama...never buy a tv without your own car people!! So happy with have it though because South Africa just beat Australia in the test series,yay!!

Losing friends....

It was not envy I felt after all, a bit relieved about that. After much thought and deliberation, I came to the conclusion that it was loss, the sadness that comes with the loss of a friend. Because from now on she's not her, it's him and her, the loss that I cannot or will not be able to share intimate discussions as before and our young friendship will not develop past this stage...a life cut short so to speak.

New Year's

Now New Year's Eve and Day holds a very special in our hearts, it is the day we had what we can classify as our 1st dates. This New Year's was special because we spent it together in our new place, dinner at the local cafe and we watched the fireworks display in Ivoire's very dark and deserted office...making it our own private viewing deck. We rung in 2009 in with a kiss.

Phase two of the romancing Ivoire has been completed...a surprise anniversary gift, a novel from his favourite author Sergei Lukyanenko. May everyone's 2009 be blessed.

Spite

So Ebene showed you her personal green eyed monster, funny because her eyes are brown, mine are green, anyway, now I will show you my personal spiteful monster. Christianity is a constant process of self development so it is good to examine our flaws to better ourselves.

To there we where, outside the largest bookstore in the city. There are always people collecting for charity there, always someone camped out with newspapers for $5 which goes to the homeless, a beach chair and a collection can. Always. Why do they camp outside a bookstore? Is it because they feel that people buying books are more liberal than the rest of society and therefore more likely to contribute money? Possibly, but I don't think that's the reason. I suspect the reason is because books are a luxury and if you can afford to buy a book you heartless consumerist capitalist whatevers should be able to spare money for the homeless. That's what I suspect.

So, I had just bought Ebene's Christmas presents, and we are standing in the crowd ready to cross the street and this old lady accosts us. Accosts us. She must figure being a mixed race couple we are open to all sorts of ideas including giving to charity. Now normally I will make some sort of a donation to such people, and I can't stand walking away when someone flags me down and I will sit and talk to them, but I have never seen this before. She comes up rather forcefully and almost growls at Ebene "Would you like to buy Suchandsuch magazine?" Ebene asks how much it is to which the old lady replies $5. Ebene said no, we where fine, thanks (shes so much stronger than me), and this is where I start to get quite angry.

The lady does not accept that we are not going to buy her magazine, and almost yells "The cover spread is on energy saving ideas for the home!" As if knowing this we would see the error of our ways and buy the magazine. Quite the opposite, she just upset my partner, she's now not getting anything from either of us. I intervene, ask her how much it is, make a show of searching my wallet, say no we are fine, thanks, as firmly as I can she she doesn't come back at us, she gives us a look like "dirty consumerists I hope you die in your sleep", the lights change and we go.

I was so mad, is getting up in peoples faces and badgering them going to make them buy things? Maybe it makes some people cave but my opinion of the people that give out the Suchandsuch magazine just took a terrible turn for the worst and they aren't getting my money. Is this wrong of me? As a Christian, should I give her my money on her word alone it is going to the homeless and shes not going to put it in her back pocket? Should I reward rude behaviour with my donation? Perhaps I am being a bad Christian, but other charities just got my money over theirs.

It was then, further down the road that spite struck me. A lady with a bunch of paperback books asks us who does the cooking in our relationship. Ebene tried to drag me on but spite had me, and I stopped and said we both cook. The lady then asked us if we would like a cook book? Sensing danger I asked how much it was. She said it was a donation, they accepted whatever you thought the book was worth. Now she did not say $5, she said you can give however much you think the book is worth. I promptly pulled $5 out of my wallet, handed it over and accepted the book. The lady said thanks, the money goes to the homeless, and she was grateful for our donation. I probably would not have taken that book had we not had the experience with the Suchandsuch magazine lady. And if I had, I probably would not have paid $5.

This is where many Christians will condemn me to hell, the book was a Hare Krishna cook book! Pagan beliefs and devil worship through vegetarian food oh my!

Was it wrong to be spiteful? It's not a good thing, but in that instance I gave into my base instincts. It was wrong of me but I did. Charity got $5 though, so maybe it was not completely damning. Was it bad that the polite Hare Krishna lady got my money over the rude non denominational Suchandsuch lady? I don't know I don't think so, there's an equal chance it will go where it was suppose to go over lining someone elses pocket so I don't think there's any real difference.

This raises a few questions that I can't answer. Should we give money to people selling stuff on the street? Are we helping the problem? Should we give money to beggars? Do different groups or different denominations deserve our money more over others? I don't know, but I acknowledge my flaws, I recognise my spiteful streak and will try and minimise it in future

Weddings and Green eyed monsters

on the eve of my friend's wedding, I sit and wonder what is it that I am feeling, I was happy for her at one stage surely (though after a while wedding plans begin to sound tedious) and I had predicted that she would be married before the year was out even though at the time she didn't have a boyfriend and now in a few hours she'll be Mrs. Ivoire reckons it's the green eyed monster, at 1st I thought he was wrong and the more I sit and think about it the more I think he might be right. But it is not the fact that she'd getting married that I am envious of...after all Ivoire and I made this commitment a very long time ago, a vow so to speak, that we would get married, but we would do it our way, preferably with no help monetary wise fro anyone(having learnt that to really make it in this world, sometimes you have to rely only on yourselves). I still do find myself what she is doing in these final hours of singlehoodness( I even called her to find out but she didn't pick up – probably busy with final prep)- I also wondered what i would be doing.

This is all besides the point because fact is I am jealous and yet I do not know why, it's not exactly like I want to be married now or anything but something gnaws at me and because of that I cannot feel complete joy for my friend. Delving deeper into this thought I realise that maybe it's because she is not going to kiss her fiance until the priest says 'you may kiss the bride,' or the fact that even though she and her fiance found a place to live together they are not sharing the same bed until tomorrow night, whereas Ivoire and I do, or that she and her fiance have their families supporting them emotionally and financially. Next to her it seems everyone will be damned to Hades. But then again I look at our situations and think of how lucky I am to have Ivoire and how I could not possibly sleep without him by my side.

Finally...the critique for Quantum of Solace

So, Ebene and myself went and saw the latest Bond film Quantum of Solace. We would have seen it a lot earlier but we where tyring to book tickets at the local gold class cinema and could not get a booking before the next blue moon, so we gave up and saw it in a regular cinema. It goes without saying but so no one has any excuse this post will discuss the plot so if you don't want it ruined for you, don't read this until you see it.

So now that's out of the way, how was it? I liked it, Ebene sort of liked it, and it was not Casino Royale. But then it wasn't really any of the other bond films either, which is why I liked it. The first thing that struck me about the film, probably because the first scene was a car chase, but more importantly because the second scene was a dash across rooftops in Italy and and a fall/scuffle though what I think was a building under construction (well there was scaffolding, so sue me if I'm wrong), was that the cinematography was good. As in really really flipping good. You could see every chip of roofing tile fly across the screen, every shard of broken glass. Having said that Quantum must have set a record for the amount of broken glass in one film.

Next the film showed a Bond you saw a bit of in Casino Royale, and none of in any other Bond that I'm aware of. A Bond that had a range of emotions. A Bond that was torn with regret and betrayal over the death of Vesper, a Bond that had familial attachment to his boss, a Bond that loses sleep over what he has done, and one who holds a mixed conviction of revenge for Vesper, for Mathis, for the attempt on M's life, and for the general rightness of stopping the world powers cutting deals with a Bond villain. He was not some 2D drink that, sleep with that, kill that Bond. Some, like Ebene, would say it was a little over the top, perhaps it was, but I enjoyed seeing a human side to Bond. By the same token, I enjoyed the indecision in M's character was well as Felix. The lines are grey and no one really knows who's a friend and who's not.

Overall I enjoyed the plot line, though I can see how some people would not like it. It was a continuation from Casino Royale though, so I don't get the people that liked the plot line for Casino Royale and not Quantum of Solace. A CEO running the most pervasive criminal organisation that has infiltrated pretty much everything, buying water to hold a third world country, and hints of the world at later stages, to ransom does sound a bit pie in the sky. But not in the order of Moonraker. Greene, the evil CEO, was a decent villain, I preferred Le Chiffre, but Greene was not bad. And the plot was thought out with characters that pursued their agendas with a vengeance. I mean when you look at it, multinational corporations do cut deals with nations over land, mining rights, what have you, and I bet at least once in modern history a large company has if not bank rolled, lent funds to, a coup attempt in a third world country, so that part of it is not completely unbelievable.

Bond did not sleep with the main Bond girl which I think is something to be applauded, though the girl he did sleep with was dressed a bit promiscuously. I mean, if you wear a trench coat and nothing else, it did not seem she had anything on underneath, did seem a bit scandalous. But otherwise it was a more human Bond with a more human support cast locked in a web of deceit and double crossing where every friend could be a member of Quantum, plots to overthrow governments, countries thinking of nothing but oil, ruthless multinational corporations, explosions, a car chase, a boat chase, a plane chase, and lot and lots of broken glass. Did I mention the broken glass?

When you go to watch a Bond film you know what you are going to get, so people stop hating and take it for what it is: A well shot, face paced, piece of escapism. It was enjoyable, do watch it.