Spite

So Ebene showed you her personal green eyed monster, funny because her eyes are brown, mine are green, anyway, now I will show you my personal spiteful monster. Christianity is a constant process of self development so it is good to examine our flaws to better ourselves.

To there we where, outside the largest bookstore in the city. There are always people collecting for charity there, always someone camped out with newspapers for $5 which goes to the homeless, a beach chair and a collection can. Always. Why do they camp outside a bookstore? Is it because they feel that people buying books are more liberal than the rest of society and therefore more likely to contribute money? Possibly, but I don't think that's the reason. I suspect the reason is because books are a luxury and if you can afford to buy a book you heartless consumerist capitalist whatevers should be able to spare money for the homeless. That's what I suspect.

So, I had just bought Ebene's Christmas presents, and we are standing in the crowd ready to cross the street and this old lady accosts us. Accosts us. She must figure being a mixed race couple we are open to all sorts of ideas including giving to charity. Now normally I will make some sort of a donation to such people, and I can't stand walking away when someone flags me down and I will sit and talk to them, but I have never seen this before. She comes up rather forcefully and almost growls at Ebene "Would you like to buy Suchandsuch magazine?" Ebene asks how much it is to which the old lady replies $5. Ebene said no, we where fine, thanks (shes so much stronger than me), and this is where I start to get quite angry.

The lady does not accept that we are not going to buy her magazine, and almost yells "The cover spread is on energy saving ideas for the home!" As if knowing this we would see the error of our ways and buy the magazine. Quite the opposite, she just upset my partner, she's now not getting anything from either of us. I intervene, ask her how much it is, make a show of searching my wallet, say no we are fine, thanks, as firmly as I can she she doesn't come back at us, she gives us a look like "dirty consumerists I hope you die in your sleep", the lights change and we go.

I was so mad, is getting up in peoples faces and badgering them going to make them buy things? Maybe it makes some people cave but my opinion of the people that give out the Suchandsuch magazine just took a terrible turn for the worst and they aren't getting my money. Is this wrong of me? As a Christian, should I give her my money on her word alone it is going to the homeless and shes not going to put it in her back pocket? Should I reward rude behaviour with my donation? Perhaps I am being a bad Christian, but other charities just got my money over theirs.

It was then, further down the road that spite struck me. A lady with a bunch of paperback books asks us who does the cooking in our relationship. Ebene tried to drag me on but spite had me, and I stopped and said we both cook. The lady then asked us if we would like a cook book? Sensing danger I asked how much it was. She said it was a donation, they accepted whatever you thought the book was worth. Now she did not say $5, she said you can give however much you think the book is worth. I promptly pulled $5 out of my wallet, handed it over and accepted the book. The lady said thanks, the money goes to the homeless, and she was grateful for our donation. I probably would not have taken that book had we not had the experience with the Suchandsuch magazine lady. And if I had, I probably would not have paid $5.

This is where many Christians will condemn me to hell, the book was a Hare Krishna cook book! Pagan beliefs and devil worship through vegetarian food oh my!

Was it wrong to be spiteful? It's not a good thing, but in that instance I gave into my base instincts. It was wrong of me but I did. Charity got $5 though, so maybe it was not completely damning. Was it bad that the polite Hare Krishna lady got my money over the rude non denominational Suchandsuch lady? I don't know I don't think so, there's an equal chance it will go where it was suppose to go over lining someone elses pocket so I don't think there's any real difference.

This raises a few questions that I can't answer. Should we give money to people selling stuff on the street? Are we helping the problem? Should we give money to beggars? Do different groups or different denominations deserve our money more over others? I don't know, but I acknowledge my flaws, I recognise my spiteful streak and will try and minimise it in future